Saturday, January 29, 2011

Dear Change of Shift Bus Drivers:

This goes out to both of you.  I was waiting for a bus last night.  It was pretty freggin' cold out and the bus is rarely ever on time.  Shockingly, you arrived on time.  You did not, however, let us on the bus.  Why not?  Well, your shift was over and the bus driver who was supposed to take over for you was nowhere to be found.  You didn't go home though.  You waited in the bus until the other driver came.  Seriously?  Why the fuck do we need to stand outside in the cold while you wait in the (slightly) warmer bus?  Anyways, about ten minutes go by while we wait outside growing increasingly disgruntled.  Eventually you decide to make a phone call.  I don't know if it was a personal call or if you were calling dispatch to see where the fuck the other driver was.  You were on the phone for a while.  A couple minutes later an MBTA truck, with its flashing lights on and everything, comes cruising around the corner with our missing bus driver.  Awesome.  However, we still don't get to on the bus for a little while longer, because you two decided to chit-chat in the privacy of the bus for a few minutes until you decide to open the doors and let us freezing people inside.  Why the fuck couldn't we get on the bus while we were waiting again?  Is there some nonsense policy against this for some reason?  It's not like the bus was unoccupied or unsupervised.  It's just illogical and discourteous to leave people in the cold because some asshole can't get to work on time.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Dear Little Girl:

I was walking to work this morning when I came across a little girl going to school.  She was probably around 9 or 10 years old.  Sounds harmless, right?  Wrong.  She was walking towards me when suddenly she stopped about 10 feet from me, looked at me suspiciously, and then screamed, "Daddy!"  She then took off running past me.  What the fuck was that?  I'm 98% certain I don't look like a kidnapper or a pedophile, and yet this girl seemingly flipped her shit at the sight of me.   I do have a beard, but.. a beard isn't that weird, right?  I had no idea what to do.  I basically froze in place and looked around frantically hoping that there wasn't anyone watching.  I definitely did not want to be the subject of a "Stranger Danger" inquiry from the police.  Fortunately for me, no one was around, but I was weirded out all day.  Perhaps there's an explanation for what happened.  Maybe the little girl forgot her lunch or homework and her scream wasn't so much of a scream as it was a "Hey, Dad, wait a second.." yell.  Or maybe her father was in the military and she hadn't seen him for like a year, and he had magically appeared on the street for a wondrous family reunion at 8am and it was a scream of joy she let out.  Okay, that one's a stretch.  But seriously, what the fuck Little Girl?  You managed to both scare me and make me paranoid that people in my neighborhood think I'm a fucking child predator.  Awesome.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sharing a Post: Let Me Get This Straight

This story is all kinds of hilarious, frustrating, ridiculous, etc.  I wish this happened to me so I could write an absurd "Dear Bus Driver:" post.  Gotta love the MBTA sometimes.

Let Me Get This Straight.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Dear Person Who Walked Into Me:

This is really petty, but you were a douchebag (and I have nothing else to write about), so I don't care.  I was opening a door at work.  One that opened towards me.  I opened the door, went to walk through, and you came rushing in and walked square into me.  I'm not a complete asshole, so I said, "Oh, sorry about that."  Your response was to scoff loudly, sigh deeply, condescendingly say, "Excuse me" and then roll your eyes as you brush past me.  Hey, fuck you, buddy.  You didn't think as you were walking down the hall and the door magically opened from the inside that maybe someone was walking out?  Its not like interior office doors with handles are often automatic.  Nor is it likely that anyone would anticipate your grand arrival and open the door for you.  And what's with the shitty response?  Scoffing, sighing, being a dick, and rolling your eyes are not appropriate responses.  You walked into me, remember?  Next time try apologizing and not acting like a complete asshat.  You actually need to open doors and watch where the fuck you're walking.  You're not as important as you think.  Or important at all for that matter.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dear Old Man on Bus:

I'm torn here.  On the one hand, you were kind of a huge asshole for no reason, but on the other hand, it's kind of more acceptable to be a huge asshole when you're wicked old and I personally can't wait until its socially acceptable (or at least tolerable) for me to act like that.  In any event, the bus was packed as usual.  You got on the bus and shuffled your way towards the back.  Some nice young person got up and offered you his seat.  This doesn't happen as often as it should, so it was nice to see.  Sadly, however, you were not interested in having this guy's seat.  Instead you flipped the fuck out and lambasted this dude for suggesting that you couldn't stand.  The guy was confused - as was everyone else - and apologized, but you kept on going.  You went on and on about how you were more than capable of standing up and how you weren't so old that you had to sit all the time and how you're fit for your age and how fucking presumptuous it was to assume you couldn't stand.  The young dude eventually stopped listening and awkwardly turned away, but you weren't finished.  You then turned to the girl standing next to you and continued your crazy fucking old man rant.  Eventually you settled down and stopped bitching everyone out, but it was weird and awkward.  I'm pretty sure the appropriate response is either sitting down or politely saying "Thank you, but I'm fine standing." None of this ranting and raving bullshit.  It's kind of completely unnecessary, especially when someone's trying to be nice.