Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Dear Pickup Truck:

You've managed to convince me that you're 1) an asshole and 2) an idiot, all in the span of five minutes.  To begin with, you almost ran me off the road with your (presumably unnecessary) giant fucking truck.  Seriously, unless you work in the construction industry and actually need a huge truck for your job, why the fuck do you need a pickup truck that has like 8 wheels and sits like 4 feet off the ground?  You barely even fit in the fucking lane.  Given the absence of anything in your truck bed and your spotless exterior, I'm guessing you don't use this truck for work, in which case, you're just a douchebag with a big truck.  Anyways, after driving down this two lane road for some time, you decide you need to get into my lane.  Now, I'm driving fairly close to the car in front of me, so there's really not enough room for your 20 foot boat of a truck to fit comfortably.  Nonetheless, you throw on your signal and just start coming on over without any hesitation.  Now, if you were just a regular sized car, I probably would have been a dick back to you and not budged at all.  But, since your truck is approximately four times the size of my average mid-sized sedan, I was inclined to brake and allow you into my lane.  Because you were being an asshole, I obviously beeped at you.  Naturally, you threw your hands up in disbelief as if it was so unbelievable and unconscionable that I could have possibly expressed any displeasure with you.  Whatever.  We continue driving down the road.  You neglect to turn your blinker off.  Up ahead is a fairly busy intersection.  There are no streets lights, but there are a lot of cars wishing to turn onto the road we're on.  Because your blinker is on, the car waiting at the intersection assumes you are turning.  As a result, it pulls out onto our road.  You are apparently not turning and instead nearly T-bone this car in front of you. We all come to a screeching halt.  Because you're an idiot and still don't realize your blinker is on, you lean on your horn to let them know they fucked up.  Except they didn't fuck up.  You fucked up.  Again.  We continue driving down the road once more and because I would like to avoid any future accidents, I try to alert you that your blinker is on.  I have no real way of doing this, so I just flash my headlights.  Unfortunately, while you recognize that I was flashing my lights at you, you cannot understand why and instead throw you hands up in the air again in bewilderment.  Your blinker remains on for several more minutes.  So, to recap, in a matter of minutes you nearly hit me, nearly hit another person, and completely fail to understand why your actions are problematic to others.  Asshole.